Mega Derived

The DS Lite is a DS, and it is tiny. And, you know something? I still don’t think it looks as good as the PSP when it’s opened up. When it’s closed it’s like a sleek little Apple-branded gadget - so it fits in with all my other Apple-branded gadgets - but when you open it it just looks a little silly. But, hey, when it’s open my eyes are on those screens, right? I mean, that’s what counts? To be fair, the screens are all kinds of awesome. Much better than what’s on the chunky old DS, which is what I’m used to playing.

It’s nice to own, and I’m glad I picked one up. I’ve had a chubby one lying around the house since they came out, so it’s not like I’m not familiar with the DS, but the Lite is a sweet little upgrade. If anything, it’s nice to remind myself of my massive oodles of cash that allows me afford to buy such a needless upgrade. It’s great being middle class.

You know what else is good? The R4 DS card. It’s a DS-like cartridge that you put a microSD card into and then it functions as some kind of whizzy rom loader/homebrew thing. Now, obvious piracy issues aside, there’s something to be said about the freedom of having all your games on one cartridge. It’s something I’ve got very used to with my (admittedly, hacked) PSP. These things are portable consoles, right? The last thing I need to do is fuss around over which one of my fifteen games I fancy playing at any one time. The luxury of just going into a menu and picking the game really is something nice. In the future, the developers should come up with some kind of way of doing this that isn’t such an ethical grey area.

I mean, imagine if Nintendo put 2gb of storage into the DS. Solder it onto the board or something, so people don’t have to worry about piracy issues. Then let the user copy games to it. Add in a feature where you can sync your save games between the flash memory and the carts themselves. Add in some kind of draconian DRM tool so people can’t let their friends copy their games. It would be incredible. Why aren’t Nintendo doing it right now? Because it would be impossible to implement without raising too many issues, that’s why. Still, it would really be convenient.

Anyway, I have a copy of Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin arriving, and I’m very much looking forward to that. Right now I’m playing through Elite Beat Agents and New Super Mario Bros, both of which I’m enjoying. If there’s one thing that impresses me about the current crop of handheld devices, it’s the strength of their titles. In my opinion, the GBA was flooded with too many SNES ports. The DS is something much better.

So, I’ve owned a 360 for three months now. An absolutely riveting fact, I’m sure you’ll agree. I’m going to move away from that for a second to reveal a few sparkling titbits about my actual life outside of gaming now, in what will actually be a revolutionary first for me in over a year of blogging. Seriously, I’m quite reserved. If you’re new to my blog, why not read my archive in its entirety to see how I rarely talk about myself. If you’ve read everything, why not give me some cash or something? I could really do with it. Because I’m a student, you see. First year English Literature with Creative Writing at UEA, which is a veritable concrete jungle if I’ve ever saw one. I’m 20, but I took a year out and liked it so much I took another.

This is important, you see, because it means I sit smack bang in the middle of the sexy ‘16-25′ youth demographic. My stylish, suburban lifestyle is notorious for bringing in swathes of glorious profit to media and lifestyle corporations and it’s my penchant for associating myself with the current ‘must haves’ that means aforementioned corporations are forever devising crafty advertising campaigns, loaded with buzz words and flashy graphics in a often futile attempt to allow my waif-thin, non-existent attention span to focus on whatever junk they’re peddling long enough for it to be burnt into my over-educated brain. Coincidentally, I imagine myself to be a character out of The O.C. in my spare time.

But, while I exist on the same plane as many of my peers, I am also vastly different. I’m an avid reader - which means I can indulge my passion for stories for mere pennies instead of £40 a pop on a game - and a great believer in the notion that all media should be graded on its inherent worth, a notion that I feel gets lost in the infinite regurgitating hype circle that surrounds gaming: games are judged on their ability to sell and their potential for mass market appeal. I am loathe to the idea of appearing as some kind of gaming snob (although I do sometimes dabble) because I’m well aware of how annoying that is. Which is why I, personally, judge worth on a games ability to evoke feeling, and not necessarily in the sense of the grand, sweeping pathos derived from the ending of whiny, pretentious tossers’ game of choice Shadow of the Colossus, but more a sense of accomplishment: Burnout Revenge, for instance, is one of my favourite games - and one I consider of great worth - of the last-gen because it was a slick, refined experience of driving way too bloody fast down oncoming traffic. It set out to do that, it did. Mission accomplished.

It’s this kind of thinking, however, that puts me at odds with the concept of online gaming. I find it hard to feel like a game is infinite and worthy of the kind of endless repetition inherent in multiplayer games. Going around and around the same, fixed levels searching for the same weapons is, to me, quite a ghastly proposition and one I spend most of my time trying to shy away from. That’s not to say it doesn’t have its own kind of special, relaxing charm only that it’s not my primary reason for picking up a controller and playing a game. It’s changing the rules, ever so slightly; moving the concept of gaming slightly closer into the realm of sport, a craft where you’re constantly refining your ability in a game of fixed rules. That’s what I play rugby for, though, and I can’t help but think that is a much better way of getting that sensation in my life. With gaming I want to experience a story and the act of playing through said story, which is why I’ve spent much of my time hesitant about the 360 - the first console to integrate online gaming into every walk of life and perhaps the scariest threat to my hobby I’ve ever experienced.

It was important to get all of that out of the way to give the article some context, and the following words a brevity that would have otherwise been missing and therfore a bit of a crappy, loose article. The ending of the story isn’t a secret. Obviously, as part of the 16-25 demographic I cashed in my chips and got one of the white boxes over the Christmas period. Because I’m weak. Three months on and the bloody thing is growing on me, too.

What’s really sold the console to me are the games. There’s an incredible selection of games out there. I mean, really, there’s some great stuff. It took them over a year, but they’ve done it. I’m not joking. You can invest in one and feel like you’ve spent wisely. I wouldn’t have said that last year. You’re a bit starved for RPGs, moreso if you think Oblivion is a bit tedious (like I do) but there’s a plethora of decent action titles that have kept me very busy. I absolutely adore Dead Rising, and Crackdown is one of the best things I’ve played in ages. The Price:Whizzy ratio is at a good level, too. It’s expensive, sure, but compared to the Wii (£180 for Zelda, a Gamecube game) and the PS3 (£425, same stuff as the 360) and suddenly three hundred odd doesn’t sound that bad at all. The second hand market is booming, there’s plenty of availability and I haven’t paid more than £30 for a game yet.

Then you’ve got the current hot property of the moment, achievement points. I never thought I’d be so inclined to preach about their effect on me, but they can become the soul of a game. I can’t imagine Crackdown, Dead Rising or Viva Pinata without them. Challenging you to play in certain ways, accomplish certain things, takes those games and gives them something special. It’s hard to write about the specifics of why this works so well, so I’ll just say that when the little “blip-bloop” sound goes off, the euphoria washes over me like an awesome wave. They’ve become iconic with the 360 and they’ll be why people make the 360 their primary console for multi-platform games. Whoever invented them should be given a knighthood, and then shot.

It’s not all great, though. There’s always a sensation of risk associated with turning the 360 on. Something about the fact that it feels like it’s been made by a used car salesman and is going to crap out on you sooner rather than later. I’ve adjusted to the idea of my 360 breaking; it’s a case of when and not if.

I’m still not entirely sold on Xbox Live. I don’t know what the appeal is, and it’s still not sold itself to me this generation. Finding an actual game of anything is a rather lengthy process, forcing me to stare at a screen for up to a minute before dumping me in a game that never plays out quite how I’d like and usually contains one outspoken shit of a man who just refuses to shut his bloody mouth and play the bloody game. Gears of War in co-op was fantastic, but that’s because I played it with a friend. That’s the only way I can see Live working, though; with your friends. There’s not a ‘world of gaming’ out there, you’re just connecting up to the people who you would have just invited around your house four years ago and paying Microsoft forty quid a year for that privilege.

But, really, what scares me the most is how Microsoft are effortlessly creating their own hype culture. Little PR touches, like Xbox Live themed nights, Major Nelson and using the Dashboard as a way of casually ‘reminding’ you that certain games have come out. Stuff like that. Last week, I was reading Major Nelson and found a little post where he made the humming orb sound from Crackdown available for download. Genius. He’s getting people to read about Crackdown, saying how it’s an addictive game and reminding people that it’s just come out without actually mentioning any of it. The pragmatic ability of the man is legendary. It’s all cumulative, and the overall effect is that if you’re not playing the latest game then you’re somehow left out. I honestly feel like Microsoft have such a grip on their online community that they can shift the focus of the gamer to little more than a loop of consumerism, obtaining the very latest titles the very minute they come out. It’s devilishly effective and, at times, unimaginably terrifying.

And, really, when I stack it all together and even in spite of all my fears about the machine, I can’t help but feel like i’ve been converted to what I spent most of 2006 calling the ‘white brick’. I’m done. Microsoft has beaten me. If you’re sitting on the fence about getting one, you might as well take the plunge. You won’t be disappointed. If you do, however, write to Microsoft and tell them that I convinced you. They might give me something for free.